i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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