Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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