Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
