Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
