I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
