Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
