Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
