I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize