if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
