oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
did you just send me my own nude
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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