sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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