Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
