i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
