I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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