I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
