I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my shit smells like andre
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize