I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
barbara walters just said penis...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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