Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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