It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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