Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
