there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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