left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize