Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
