Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
