I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
last night I used snow as a chaser
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
