I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
