I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
