Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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