Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
