i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
