Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
