I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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