why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
