You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
