Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
