when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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