The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
