I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
