Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
