Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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