we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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