i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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