Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
