so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
