Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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