He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
