She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Duck Duck Cougar?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
