Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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