if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
