I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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