Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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