i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
