I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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