I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
