This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
