After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize