Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
