Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
