I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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