So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
