did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
