Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
