new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
