I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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