too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
this hospital has no fireball
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
