we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
