every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My feet surprised me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
