Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
