happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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