youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
