I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
