get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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