The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
