i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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