I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
