Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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