im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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