I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
